In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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