When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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