I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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