I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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