i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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