I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
