we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Randomize
