I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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