He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
