i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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