Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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