I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
...so i touched it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
