jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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