i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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