the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
