Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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