just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
should my penis look like a turkey
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
