yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
