I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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