White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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