Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
