you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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