in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
