1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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