We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
