Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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