But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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