hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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