Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
