New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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