Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
