The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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