i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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