i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
