How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
