thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
