I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
