you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
