My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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