Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
