Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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