i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
