Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
