she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
