I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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