You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
