no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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