Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
