Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
