she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
