you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
