well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
