good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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