I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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