her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
