Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
