Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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