I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
