Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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