i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
