he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
