Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
