Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
