so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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