1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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