Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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