I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
