Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
