God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
