he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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