look no pants
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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