sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
