He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
