I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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