You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
