i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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