ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
