maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
