he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
