well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
