he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
