my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
