Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
