The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
