make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
