If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
